ON TURNING SIXTY

ON TURNING SIXTY

The first realisation to dawn on me when I turned 60 was a realigning of roles in the family. Our two daughters had planned a family trip, just the four of us, to Las Vegas to celebrate the occasion. They pretty much did everything themselves, budgeting and booking, planning and packing.  We tagged along, my husband and I, just like they had done, as kids. For me, it was a comfortable shift, they dealt with the delays, they led the way. This change in the pecking order, from the drivers seat to the back seat was, for me, very welcome. I neither had to worry about the expenditure nor about the next meal. It was an exciting time to  be a mom! 

 This also brought home the point that dealing with adult children was way different from dealing with them as kids.  It was easier to be a parent, now, we are learning to be friends. This is accompanied by a deep sense of gratitude.  I know that every parent tries to do the very best and more for the children, and that is all that we also did. And the almighty ensured that our children lived up to our dreams and also their own. They have built loving homes and we are very fortunate to be a part of it. Now I have come to truly understand what unconditional love is, thanks to my loving grandchildren. How much I enjoy their very presence! As a working mother, there were many precious moments I had missed. But again, God has been kind, I get to relive my children's childhood through my grand children.

I rarely dwell on death, now more than ever before, it's a reality. My husband says, as always, his turn will come first. I tell him, I could still spring a surprise. I resigned from service at 59, my husband had retired  ten years ago. We had some savings to our name, a comfortable home in a city and my salary to spend until then. For the first time, I stared into a future without a fixed income, or pension. But I found an unlikely ally those days, the covid 19. It forced me to stay indoors. Due to limited expenditures, my savings didn't melt as I feared it would. It helped me develop confidence and pride in the minimalist way of life that I choose to lead.

Today, I am more appreciative of the effort of friends and family, and join in the medley more often. Being an introvert and a private person, mingling with people has always been stressful, but I'm learning to over come it. Whatever little grudges or acts of slight I had perceived, have receded to the background. Never again would my words and actions, thoughts and emotions ever think anything but the best for others. This attitude has helped me in all my relationships and happiness has followed as a natural corollary. 

 But I'm still, pretty much the same person I used to be. Except for a few edges, which are still getting smoothed out, and the dents getting evened out. For sometime, the issue regarding my weight has been troubling me. I have come to accept it and now, I have started working constructively but with confidence and do not allow it to affect my self esteem anymore. Without seeking, I found them all  -  friend and mentor, beauty and bonhomie, destinations and dreams (even desires!) fulfilled through my books. So I pursue reading and writing with a gusto, and all forms of art for which I had no time. Life is good! And as I write these lines, Charles M Blow, whispers into my ears and I share it with you all, " I would harness the truths that had been trapped in me like a fire shut up in my bones. I would give my life over to my passions, my writing, and my children, and they would breathe life back into me". ( Excerpt From: Charles M. Blow. “Fire Shut Up in My Bones.” )