ON TURNING SIXTY

ON TURNING SIXTY

The first realisation to dawn on me when I turned 60 was a realigning of roles in the family. Our two daughters had planned a family trip, just the four of us, to Las Vegas to celebrate the occasion. They pretty much did everything themselves, budgeting and booking, planning and packing.  We tagged along, my husband and I, just like they had done, as kids. For me, it was a comfortable shift, they dealt with the delays, they led the way. This change in the pecking order, from the drivers seat to the back seat was, for me, very welcome. I neither had to worry about the expenditure nor about the next meal. It was an exciting time to  be a mom! 

 This also brought home the point that dealing with adult children was way different from dealing with them as kids.  It was easier to be a parent, now, we are learning to be friends. This is accompanied by a deep sense of gratitude.  I know that every parent tries to do the very best and more for the children, and that is all that we also did. And the almighty ensured that our children lived up to our dreams and also their own. They have built loving homes and we are very fortunate to be a part of it. Now I have come to truly understand what unconditional love is, thanks to my loving grandchildren. How much I enjoy their very presence! As a working mother, there were many precious moments I had missed. But again, God has been kind, I get to relive my children's childhood through my grand children.

I rarely dwell on death, now more than ever before, it's a reality. My husband says, as always, his turn will come first. I tell him, I could still spring a surprise. I resigned from service at 59, my husband had retired  ten years ago. We had some savings to our name, a comfortable home in a city and my salary to spend until then. For the first time, I stared into a future without a fixed income, or pension. But I found an unlikely ally those days, the covid 19. It forced me to stay indoors. Due to limited expenditures, my savings didn't melt as I feared it would. It helped me develop confidence and pride in the minimalist way of life that I choose to lead.

Today, I am more appreciative of the effort of friends and family, and join in the medley more often. Being an introvert and a private person, mingling with people has always been stressful, but I'm learning to over come it. Whatever little grudges or acts of slight I had perceived, have receded to the background. Never again would my words and actions, thoughts and emotions ever think anything but the best for others. This attitude has helped me in all my relationships and happiness has followed as a natural corollary. 

 But I'm still, pretty much the same person I used to be. Except for a few edges, which are still getting smoothed out, and the dents getting evened out. For sometime, the issue regarding my weight has been troubling me. I have come to accept it and now, I have started working constructively but with confidence and do not allow it to affect my self esteem anymore. Without seeking, I found them all  -  friend and mentor, beauty and bonhomie, destinations and dreams (even desires!) fulfilled through my books. So I pursue reading and writing with a gusto, and all forms of art for which I had no time. Life is good! And as I write these lines, Charles M Blow, whispers into my ears and I share it with you all, " I would harness the truths that had been trapped in me like a fire shut up in my bones. I would give my life over to my passions, my writing, and my children, and they would breathe life back into me". ( Excerpt From: Charles M. Blow. “Fire Shut Up in My Bones.” )

Bihar is in the Eye of the beholder

 Bihar is in the Eye of the beholder. 

(Vijay Nambisan, poet and writer) 

For the prompt, 'includes an exotic animal', for a reading challenge, I picked 'Travels on my Elephant' by Mark Shand, a book that had won the Travel Writer of the Year Award at the British Book Awards in 1992. The book was a pleasure to read, it was very interesting and informative. At the same time it affected me deeply. Mark Shand, the British wild life enthusiast and travel writer, decided  to travel in India on an elephant.  For this purpose, he acquired an elephant whom he christened Tara, but who was always referred to as Mummy. He planned to end his rendezvous in Bihar at the Sonepur Animal Fair where he hoped to sell off his elephant, before heading home to England.

His remarkable journey begins in the eastern state of Odisha.  As he rides through the rural countryside, Mark Shand brings to life the incomparable beauty and ancient history of these hidden regions. He takes us on a tour of the ancient palaces which now lie in ruins. He speaks about the great kingdoms that held sway in these regions, a history lost to time as they do not find a place in the history books of Modern India's school children. I was elated to read about it, albeit briefly, in the sojorns of a modern British traveller, who much like his ancient compatriots, wrote them down in his travelogue.

For me, the best part of his travel was through the state of Bihar, the state where I was born and lived, for a considerable part of my life. His journey takes him through familiar terrain, through Chaibasa, whose outskirts reminded him of an English country village. At Sariekela and Kharsawan, he was fortunate to witness the traditional Chhau and Peacock dance. From there he travels to Ranchi, McCluskiegunj and Hazaribagh. He takes Tara to the river Kharkai for a bath, the same river that flows through Jamshedpur, my hometown.

He traverses through the open coal mines of Ramgarh, of which I had never heard and the Damodar River Valley, of which I knew because I had to learn it for my General Knowledge test. What my study didn't tell me was that "diamonds were to be found in these rivers that criss-crossed the Chota Nagpur plateau. In fact, there is a legend that the Koh-i-noor diamond was discovered in the River Koel". Of the Hazaribagh plateau, Mark writes that, "with its tall cypress-like trees this terracotta landscape reminded me of the rolling hills of Tuscany.” From there, he takes the Grand Trunk Road then heads North to Bodh Gaya, Gaya, Nalanda and Rajgir, the great centres of Buddhism.

Memories of my days spent in Jamshedpur, in the heart of the Chota Nagpur plateau,  have so far, always been one of joyful reminisces. But this account filled my heart, for the first time, with regret! How I had missed the opportunity to travel in my home state and discover the gems hidden there in. The beauty of the English countryside, the sunny Mediterranean Tuscany, were for me, stuff of the imagination, found only in Enid Blyton books and in other novels I chose to read. How mistaken I was! They lay around me, but my eyes were blind to such beauties! 

This was a trevelogue like no other. Until then, I had only travelled by trains, Mail, Express, even the  Passenger. And some exotic rides on a tram in Calcutta, and on my father's Vespa Scooter, back home. I had only seen horse carts and bullock carts!  Now, long distance travel is limited to aeroplanes, the king of the skies. Travel on an elephant- how exciting and thrilling it must have been! Mark shares the joy of his friendship and company with Tara. "Elephants are like human beings, " he tells us, "They like companionship". Under his watchful care, Tara transforms from a beggar to a princess and the Mahaout observes that Tara has acquired all the mannerisms of a Lady,  by virtue of her association with Mark. 

Finally, Mark heads towards Patna, and witnesses the Chhath festival on the banks of the Ganga, from where he heads to Sonepur.  As I continued to read, memories of the annual Durga Puja Mela held in the Maidan at Jamshedpur flashed through- the giant rides, the mini circus, the trinkets and fancy items on sale, the street food and the general noisy revelry, before worshipping the deity in the pandal, amidst the chaos and the crowd. The Sonepur Mela was something like this and much more, where animals were bought and sold- Elephants, horses, cows, bulls, birds, and snakes. By now, Tara had made a place for herself  in all our hearts and Mark is unable to negotiate a price for her. Finally, he gifts Tara to Kipling – a jungle camp in the buffer zone of Kanha National Park in Madhya Pradesh, where she will take the guests for rides. Mark had found a comfortable home for his beloved Tara. 

The author pays a final tribute to Tara: "I did not save her. She saved me". He established the Elephant Family,  a London based charity to work towards the preservation of Asian elephants. Mark Shand had found his calling in India, in Odisha and Bihar. I was shocked to discover that an outsider could tell me so much more about my home.  My longing to go back increased manifold.  I am overwhelmed by his moving account. For now, I can only go back as a tourist,  on Tara's Trail! 

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